See You In Hell!

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Most likely bringing another snarky chica into the world

or perhaps a nice, sweet one. Or, if the ultrasound was wrong (which it could be as they couldn't get a perfect view), a snarky little guy. EEEK! Either way, we're planning to snug it constantly and as long as it's okay with that, we're good to go.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

One more...

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Demotivators ala Jege

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Hey kid, want a cancer stick?

Just rediscovered this image the other day while I was scanning old slides for the 'rents. I love it for 2 reasons: the way Amy is sitting, and the fact that Auntie Barb is smoking a cigarette.
Wait, make that 3 reasons: Amy's socks.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Splashy McSplasherton

During today's lunchtime swim, there was a woman swimming 2 lanes away who managed to send tsunami waves of splashes cascading over my head with every kick. TWO lanes away. At first, I simply considered her an annoying Splashy McSplasherton. But after half an hour of this shit, I realized that she was no Splashy McSplasherton. No siree bob. She was Martina, The Robo-Dyke Swim Nazi from Outer Bulgaria.
In the locker room, she strutted around naked, tearing holes in the walls with her ridiculously wide, manly shoulders, AND belching and farting. Yes, you heard me. She actually farted when she walked past me. When I left, she had just made her way into the shower and was hocking up loogies.

Charmed, I'm sure.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Ah, "24" how I love thee....

Chloe to Edgar:

"Okay, after we recover the nerve gas and the threat level is lowered, we can have some chamomile tea and I'll tell you all my secrets."

Dave Barry is right; that Chloe is a real stand-up gal.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

More amycita...

....and here is the lovely amycita drowning her inflatable toy in the kiddie pool....


There is no lifeguard at the gene pool

Thanks to Karicita's link to Rex Havoc, I have discovered the mock motivational site and I heart it! More to follow.

Friday, January 20, 2006

On genetic anxiety...

I have inherited my dad's anxiety issues, and incredible ability to foresee, in any situation, what might possibly go wrong & cause injury and/or embarrassment:

"Carrying that big box up the stairs all by yourself? Well watch out, because you may step on a cat and fall backwards down the stairs and break your tailbone. Or you may gouge the back of your hand on the nail that is sticking out of the wall half-way up."

"Never leave your can of soda uncovered outside. A bee will fly inside and then you'll drink it, and it will sting you in the throat, and you'll suffocate"

"When you're a guest at someone's house, never use their shampoo, because it might actually be Nair or something, and then your hair will all fall out, and then they'll KNOW you were using their shampoo."

Okay, that last one's mine, but you get the picture.

Growing up, my dad would never let any of us kids mow the lawn without first spending half an hour picking rocks (no matter how small) out of the grass, because "The mower will kick that rock right back into your eyeball". Then we had to wear protective goggles, long pants, and steel-toed boots, lest the mower fire an errant stick into our spleen, or suddenly go insane and cut our toes off, like in that movie with Gene Simmons, where all of the machines come alive and kill people.

And don't even get me started on food-borne illnesses. When I was five I knew the words "salmonella", "trichinosis", "botulism", "giardia" and "e coli". My parents had me so terrified, that to this day I cannot eat a burger that isn't so well done that it's BURNT. And even that is bad!!! Burnt meat contains NITRITES!!!! EEEEEKKK!!!!

And. AND!!! ELECTRICITY!!!! NEVER EVER leave ANYTHING plugged in, because the devil lives in the circuitry, and wants to burn the house down.

And who can forget the whole "Engines are magic" lecture.

Oh, dad.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Best "24" quote ever:

"Jack Bauer would never murder his friends"

Friday, January 13, 2006

Shirt for Floyd and Jege!

Okay, so while out and about doing my x-mas shopping, I came across a shirt that I had to buy, mostly because of Floyd and my sister Jege. And, in ode to Jege, I stood in front of something she should fondly recognize (one of 2 pictures we have put up since we moved in). Oddly enough, this is the picture I looked the least weird in. NEVER take photos AFTER going baby stuff shopping for hours. Egads...I looked much more crack-whore in the first few shots and sorry for the grainyness, the flash was not helping me at all.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Some of those interesting things you typically do not learn about the person you love until after several years of marriage...

My husband has very specific, deeply-ingrained rules about food consumption:

  • He CANNOT eat at the same dining establishment 2 days in a row (the "Same Place" rule).

  • He CANNOT eat pizza for dinner if he had pizza for lunch (the "Same Type of Food" rule).

  • AND....he TOTALLY FUCKING CANNOT eat breakfast foods when it's not breakfast, or dinner foods when it's not dinner (the "Certain Types of Food Can Only Be Consumed During Their Culturally-Established Timeframe" rule) .

I simply do not understand.

I go through phases where all I want is Thai food from the cart down the street, and I will eat it every day for lunch for like, a week straight. Sometimes, I will even stop by there on my way home and get some to-go for dinner. Then I will grow tired of it, and not eat there for a month. I also occasionally crave a bowl of cereal for lunch on the weekends, or even as a snack at night. I have been known to eat cold pizza (or even leftover Thai food) for breakfast.

Generally, my husband & I get along very well, and share the same interests. But this food thing is just bizarre. Almost as bizarre as his insistence on making the bed by NOT putting the opposite corners of the fitted sheet on first. He puts the bottom 2 corners on first instead of the obviously superior opposing-corners, diagonal method. And then...THEN....there's the towel-folding rules. Remember the movie "Sleeping With the Enemy"? To make a long story short, if I want to make my husband all twitchy and irritated, I fold the towels in half instead of in thirds, and hang them at different heights next to eachother on the towel rack. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Zelda's turn-ons are catnip, licking herself, and staring directly into the fireplace for extended periods of time......

Thursday, January 05, 2006

2005 Sum-up

I know, the year re-cap is a bit spazzy, but it was a rather strange one and come on, you know you depend on Jege for the searing wit anyway. Floyd, I think she is still on vacation or busy with that 'work' stuff and all. AND, in an upcoming post, I will be posing in a shirt you will be madly jealous/proud of.

2005 Highlights (mostly eM--that self-centered bitch!):

  • The Lein sistahs entered the world of bloggedy goodness. Joy of joys! good times.

  • All 3 got new houses and moved, dealing with an unpleasant amount of stress in the process.

  • AmyCita moved across the country to MI from Boston to move into her new home.

  • Youngest Lein chica got a cell phone (pay as you go, not as cool as Jege's razr, but hey, i'm working on it).

  • eM got her Masters, thus rounding out a fam of advanced degree folks and finishing grad school, what a fucking hell that was. Working more than full time and going to school full time=BAD IDEA!

  • eM also got prego (on purpose--WTF!?!? i'm getting old-soo weird going from, ohgodpleaseNOO!!!, to am i? wee!) and, after a fun decade-long stint of lots of fun body-jewelry, is now down to 3 extra-curricular holes - just the ears - removed 7 :( At least tattoos can't get in the way or get infected.

  • eM went to Europe (finally!!!)

  • Amycita got a new kitty--and damn, it is CUTE!