See You In Hell!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Some of those interesting things you typically do not learn about the person you love until after several years of marriage...

My husband has very specific, deeply-ingrained rules about food consumption:

  • He CANNOT eat at the same dining establishment 2 days in a row (the "Same Place" rule).

  • He CANNOT eat pizza for dinner if he had pizza for lunch (the "Same Type of Food" rule).

  • AND....he TOTALLY FUCKING CANNOT eat breakfast foods when it's not breakfast, or dinner foods when it's not dinner (the "Certain Types of Food Can Only Be Consumed During Their Culturally-Established Timeframe" rule) .

I simply do not understand.

I go through phases where all I want is Thai food from the cart down the street, and I will eat it every day for lunch for like, a week straight. Sometimes, I will even stop by there on my way home and get some to-go for dinner. Then I will grow tired of it, and not eat there for a month. I also occasionally crave a bowl of cereal for lunch on the weekends, or even as a snack at night. I have been known to eat cold pizza (or even leftover Thai food) for breakfast.

Generally, my husband & I get along very well, and share the same interests. But this food thing is just bizarre. Almost as bizarre as his insistence on making the bed by NOT putting the opposite corners of the fitted sheet on first. He puts the bottom 2 corners on first instead of the obviously superior opposing-corners, diagonal method. And then...THEN....there's the towel-folding rules. Remember the movie "Sleeping With the Enemy"? To make a long story short, if I want to make my husband all twitchy and irritated, I fold the towels in half instead of in thirds, and hang them at different heights next to eachother on the towel rack. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!


Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

I was just thinking, perhaps I should take a towel-folding class:

That's right, I said towel-folding CLASS. Like in college.
What a great idea, huh? I can see it now:
"I majored in towel-folding, with a double-minor in obsessive coaster use, and placemat architecture"

Thursday, January 12, 2006 at 1:48:00 PM PST

Anonymous Nick said...

I'm not sure which would be more difficult:

1) each half of a couple has their own deeply ingrained, contemplated, practiced, and defined ways of doing (insert every day task like folding towels or changing sheets) but the pair never shared methods

2) only one of a couple has deep, ingrained.... ways, the other just does it however without specific thought or reason


Thursday, January 12, 2006 at 2:08:00 PM PST

Blogger eM said...

tee hee hee...altho i have to admit, the things they did with our towels in Costa Rica was mighty impressive! I'll post pix at some point.

Dev is kind of an odd duck, isn't he? Well, that's what you get for marrying a trophy husband ;)

Dyl has his weird things, but the one that strikes me as most unfun is the 'I'm not your monkey' rule. He'll do something absofuckinglutely hillarious and cute when it's just the two of us and then, when we're around other people, I'm like, "Dyl, would you do that song about me you made up sung to the tune of "somewhere out there (from Fivel's adventure or something)" and he'll look at me like i'm insane, he would never make up goofy song lyrics to a spazzy song and why won't i please just go away. It's like there is this special weird side of him that he saves for only me. But it fucking drives me nuts because i want the whole world to know how bizarre and cute he is. Apparently, he's not too keen on that however.

Thursday, January 12, 2006 at 2:11:00 PM PST

Blogger eM said...

Oh, and is it weird that I married the only person I've EVER met who makes up more goofy song lyrics than our other sister Amy??? hmmmm....

Thursday, January 12, 2006 at 2:12:00 PM PST

Blogger Crystal said...

brendan has a mood he calls "the white tornado". however, this is not a destructive tornado. it is a mad cleaning tornado and stay out of his way or he will close his eyelids and then roll his eyes which drives me up the fricking wall. "don't roll your eyes at me!" i'll say. to which he replies "you couldn't even see my eyes to know if i was rolling them at you or not because i had my eyes closed". it's times like these when i want to punch him in a nut.

Thursday, January 12, 2006 at 2:32:00 PM PST

Anonymous Jurgen Nation said...

I'm completely like you (surprise!) in the food department. I love cereal for dinner. i could eat Indian food every day for breakfast, lunch and dinner (and I actually have eaten it for all three once). I'm very rut-oriented; if I like something I'm not going to go messing with it. I want what I like, so why mess with it by eating somewhere different?? It doesn't make sense.

But I'm just like your huz on the bed thing. Why do it the opposite corners way? Then you have to keep going from one side of the bed to the other and it's just not efficient. If I do one corner on one side, I don't want to have to come back to that corner for more work. Jeez.

Thursday, January 12, 2006 at 4:25:00 PM PST

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Cause it's the only way to achieve proper tension between the 4 warring, elastic armies that are the corners of fitted sheets!!!!
I have to admit, my preoccupation with it comes directly from my parents, who would yell at me for doing it the other way. I guess it stuck.

Thursday, January 12, 2006 at 4:33:00 PM PST

Blogger kari said...

i for one will eat breakfast cereal for every damn meal if i can.

cold pizza?

rock on.

Thursday, January 12, 2006 at 4:34:00 PM PST

Blogger Floyd's Lists said...

What about the toilet paper - over or under?

Thursday, January 12, 2006 at 4:48:00 PM PST

Blogger eM said...

Nick--#1 way better--that way only 1 person is annoyed and wanting to kill--perfect balance for any relationship. The other person in their oblivion can still be happy.

Crystal, I too, am a white tornado! My husband hates it.

Floyd, I couldn't care less about the TP, but the man feels it has to be over. AND, good shirt pic coming soon...

Thursday, January 12, 2006 at 7:13:00 PM PST

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Toilet paper MUST be over. Duh.

Friday, January 13, 2006 at 8:34:00 AM PST

Blogger Floyd's Lists said...

Floyd learned the TP-over rule the (very) hard way from his wife. Floyd laments his wife's ability to beat him bloody.

Friday, January 13, 2006 at 11:06:00 AM PST

Blogger amycita said...

OK, as the queen psycho-babbler that I am I strongly believe that the reason for the difference between Jege & Devin is the same reason Rob and I have the exact same differences. Jege & I were parented by intellectual socialist hippies and Rob & Devin grew up with Matha Stewart as a mother. It all goes back to the mother...

Sunday, January 15, 2006 at 6:55:00 AM PST


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