things that seem like a good idea at the time, but later turn out to be really bad ideas:

• Riding a bicycle while holding onto a dog on a leash (Dad, thanks for this one!!)
  

• Joining Columbia Record house.

• Cashing in your life savings and giving it all to an apocalyptic, charismatic leader who is a major stockholder in kool-aid.

• Telling your spouse about the time you caught the clap from a haitian dwarf.

• Jello shots.

• Refinishing those hardwood floors yourself.

• Shaving your legs when you are in a hurry.

• Ferrets.

This is an ongoing list, so please feel free to add your own.

male vs. female: putting in a rain barrel

I want to attach a downspout to the rain gutter on the garage so that I can hook up a rain barrel to it. That way, I will be able to water the garden with harvested rainwater this summer. Very ecologically-responsible, no?

But my husband's mind cannot comprehend this. His reasoning is, that if we are going to attach a new downspout to the gutters then we should replace the gutters, since they are old and crappy. And if you are replacing the gutters, then you simply MUST replace the garage roof. And if we're replacing the roof, then we might as well rip off all of the old stucco and make sure there's no rot, which of course there most certainly IS, so might as well jack the garage up, pour a new stem wall and put in a decent sill plate. But why should the garage have better stem walls & sill plates than our house? We should definitely rip apart the top 4' of the finished basement walls to attach the sill plates to the foundation; that way, we can get earthquake insurance! But that old concrete foundation wall is like chalk, so why not just jack the house up on blocks and pour some good, 7000 psi concrete stem walls to attach our new sill plates to! And while we're at it, we might as well add a couple feet of head height to the basement, it's only logical. And of course, if we're doing all this we should really get all of the knob & tube out of the house and re-pull all new electrical. That means some attic work, so while we're up there, we can pop in a couple of dormers, insulate, and create that 3rd bedroom!

So no, I will NOT have that rain barrel by this summer. We simply can't afford it.

Pet peeve du jour

I HATE it when people do not use the words "overachiever" and "underachiever" correctly.

Academically, an Overachiever is one who performs at a level above what his or her IQ would suggest, while an Underachiever performs poorly, despite documented giftedness or intelligence.

So, the next time some fuckwad boasts that they're an Overachiever, feel free to giggle at their admission of success in spite of their lack of intelligence.

What's your rockstar name?

Thanks to Crabmommy for this gem of a link: http://rockstarname.com/

Apparently, I'm "Karen Jett". I sound like an aging stripper who enjoys knitting X-rated cummerbunds, and has a bumper sticker on my car that says "Sexy Grandma".

So who are you?