See You In Hell!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Hie thee to facebook....

Yes, all 3 Leingirlz are now slinging their sarcasm over on the good old FB. Why dontcha head on over?

Monday, June 15, 2009

Giuseppe has fleas!!!

And they are both strictly indoor cats, and have been for 14 years!!! WTF?!!!

The vet treated both cats with the Advantage stuff (supposed to kill all fleas w/i 12 hours), but of course that’s not enough for me. I spent the entire weekend laundering, vacuuming, liberally applying flea powders and sprays of varying toxicities to every surface in the house, and generally freaking the fuck out (even though I have not seen even one flea, except for on Giuseppe while at the vet's). Devin was at work all weekend, so I was alone in my vortex of paranoia. At the zenith of my insanity, I attached a flea collar to each ankle. See below:

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Reflecting upon my recent trip to the San Juans...

Although I thoroughly enjoyed the beauty of Orcas Island, I found myself annoyed with, then angry towards, and finally completely disgusted at the preponderance of "No Trespassing", "Private Drive", "Private Property", & "Keep Out" signs nailed onto any and every surface.
In Orcas Village, a tiny weed and garbage-filled embankment was fenced in and liberally festooned with "No Trespassing" signs. Walk along any forest trail on the island, and you'll witness the quiet perfection of Mother Nature brutally punctuated with reminders that so-and-so owns everything on either side of you, and you'd better not touch it.

Also, apparently no Coca Cola products exist anywhere north of Seattle.
Mt. Vernon, then Anacortes, and finally Islands Orcas, Lopez, and Shaw mockingly flaunted Diet Pepsi only from every vending machine, concession stand, restaurant, and convenience store. Riding back on the ferry at the end of our trip, a huge Diet Pepsi truck hopped aboard at Lopez Island, destined for the mainland. No Diet Coke for sale on the ferry either, as you probably guessed.

San Juan Islands? I think not. More like the "No Trespassing/Private Property Islands, brought to you by Pepsi."

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

What the fuck is up with women's clothes nowadays?

This looks like fucking maternity wear for preteens:

Monday, April 13, 2009

Beware of the Lapkids!!!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Monday, February 09, 2009

25 Random Things about The Jege:

I finally knuckled under and did my Facebook "25 Random Things About Me" thing. Here goes:

1).I have always been good at sports; I played soccer, ice hockey & baseball as a kid. I think I was good enough at soccer to have gotten a scholarship in it…if there was such a thing as girls’ soccer back then (I was usually the only girl on all-boys’ teams).

2) I am incredibly impatient. I strive to become more patient with, and accepting of, myself and others (except for those real fucking asshats out there…they can just suck it).

3) I am absolutely batshit phobic about needles. Just typing this makes my heart race, and stomach lurch.

4) As a child I was pathologically shy, an independent loner, and very serious and brooding. I made a conscious choice at age 17 that I was going to ditch the shyness, seek out more friends, and stop being such a moody little fucker. I succeeded at the first two.

5) When I was five, my father asked me how my first day of kindergarten went, and if I liked my teacher. “yeah, but my teacher’s a fuckface” was my reply. Ah, public school. My obsession with swear words persists to this day, bitches.

6) I once scored a 151 on an IQ test, but am convinced that, with each passing year, I am becoming stupider and stupider. I now believe I have the acumen of a retarded cocker spaniel named “Smackers”.

7) When we were little, my sister Amy & I once concocted something we like to call “The Bingo opera”. We sang the “..and bingo was his name-o” song in operatic falsettos. Then, instead of just replacing the letters in bingo with claps, we methodically replaced every single word in the song with claps. My parents acted like they were annoyed, but I know they secretly appreciated such innovation.

8) I am so much like my parents that it scares me sometimes. I have inherited my dad's anxiety issues, and incredible ability to foresee, in any situation, what might possibly go wrong & cause injury ---or even worse, embarrassment! I also have my mother’s unflinching outspokenness. So basically, I speak without thinking, and then am incredibly embarrassed, overly-analytical, and introspective about it afterwards.

9) In my opinion, a great sense of humor is the single most important quality any sentient being can possess.

10) I enjoy being contrary.

11) My family has always valued education, travel, music, books, and good humor over material possessions. They paid for our college, sent us overseas, and indulged our every musical & creative whim. But we grew up with only one vehicle, never had a color TV, cable, a VCR, or a microwave until after I was in college. I was always ashamed and pissed about this, but now I totally appreciate their priorities.

12) I have a weakness for calico cats.

13) I have always been a voracious reader. My parents are as well, and as a child, I worked my way through nearly every bookcase in the house (and there were a LOT). I read Kierkegaard and Woody Allen in grade school, and when I tried to give a book report on the latter, it was ill-received. Philistines.

14) I LOVE gay men. In fact, I often wonder if I am a gay man trapped in a woman’s body.

15) My earliest memory is of flying to England with my parents when I was 2. I also have a very good memory of nearly everything that happened in my childhood.

16) I hold grudges for-fucking-EVER. Toby Kurry & Jim Jundt, you’d better watch your respective asses; I’m still fucking pissed.

17) My sister Amy & I relentlessly tormented our youngest sister, Emily. Em, I am truly sorry about the “being taped inside a cardboard box and being pushed down the basement stairs is just like sledding” incident.

18) I have absolutely no qualms about eating leftover Thai food for breakfast, or cereal for dinner. My husband does not share my views. We also disagree on how to put a fitted sheet on a bed: He espouses the clearly flawed & ludicrous “put the bottom 2 corners on first” instead of the obviously superior opposing-corners, diagonal method. And then...THEN....there's the towel-folding rules. Remember the movie "Sleeping With the Enemy"? To make a long story short, if I want to make my husband all twitchy and irritated, I fold the towels in half instead of in thirds, and hang them at different heights next to each other on the towel rack

19) To this day I cannot walk in high heels. At all. No really.

20). My favorite season is Fall, followed by Winter, Summer, and Spring.

21). I am an absurdly picky eater.

22) For as long as I can remember, I have always been able to draw, paint, sculpt, write creatively, and take pretty good photos. But ask me to remember a sequence of numbers, and I turn into a flaming retard.

23). I cannot sit though a meeting without giggling whenever anyone mentions “caulk”, “hose bibb”, “full-penetration weld”, “skirt flashing”, or “erection aids”.

24). I was a vegan for one full year, but I fell off the wagon spectacularly, and remain the most inconsistent vegetarian ever.

25). My husband is my best friend. (I know…LAME!!)