See You In Hell!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

I am not my coworker's keeper

People frequently stop by my desk. Not because they want to see me, but because they want to talk to the people who sit near me....people who happen to not be at their desks at that particular moment.
The stymied person-seeker then scratches their head and looks around, as if expecting their absent colleague to suddenly spring up from behind their desk and yell "TA-DA!!". The seeker exhales impatiently, taps their foot, glares at their watch, and then turns to the nearest coworker....who happens to be me.

"Have you seen so-and-so? When will they be back?" They inquire, staring at me with scrunched-up Eyebrows of Confusion.

"Oh, they're in the men's room giving hand jobs." I'll mentally respond while shaking my head 'no'.

"Yeah, they had to go pick up their Klan robes at the cleaners" I may inaudibly add, or perhaps even (not):

"So-and-so? Oh didn't you HEAR? They died in a freak gardening accident on Sunday"

One time, a visitor to the office merely bellowed "MEN"S ROOM" at me. More of a statement than a question, really. Did I go to grad school to be a men's room pointer-outer? I think not. Fuckers.


Blogger Thomas said...

But the missing can spring out from behind their desk. It is as possible as WMDs being found in Iraq.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 at 7:00:00 PM PST

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...


Tuesday, December 13, 2005 at 7:02:00 PM PST

Blogger Floyd's Lists said...

Mr. Moderation's thoughts aside, Floyd has also experienced such inane experiences. Floyd's response was usually audible.

If Floyd felt playful, it was "not telling!".

When feeling sarcastic, "if you check the schedule, it's John's turn to watch him".

Since feeling sarcastic or playful is rare for Floyd, the usual response was "who gives a rat fuck?"

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 at 8:19:00 PM PST

Blogger nabbalicious said...

I usually say, "He was bugging me, so I stuffed him in my drawer."

Tuesday, December 13, 2005 at 11:43:00 PM PST

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I go for the passive agressive blank stare, pause and a snarky, "you know what, I forgot to turn on his lo-jack today so I can trace him. Want me to send an Amber Alert?"

No one ever takes me seriously and that sucks.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 4:26:00 AM PST

Blogger Crystal said...

hey don't hate on people for the handjobs. sometimes that's what it takes to get a leg up in the company. maybe if you started giving out more handjobs, people would come to see you. :P

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 7:16:00 AM PST

Blogger Crystal said...

there was a rabbit in the hall earlier. he is chasing it.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 7:17:00 AM PST

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

All wonderful suggestions!! I will try them out, if y'all don't mind.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 8:26:00 AM PST

Blogger The_Bad said...

"I'm sorry, I was ignoring you. What was your pathetic little problem again?"

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 9:05:00 AM PST

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

OH! OH! And THEN the absent co-worker comes back and asks: "So, did anyone stop by to see me? Did I get any messages?" (once again, I am an ARCHITECT, not a receptionist).

"yeah, the boss stopped by and he REALLY wanted to talk to you. He was totally pissed you werent here. But don't worry, I covered for you. I told him you were drunk"

Wednesday, December 14, 2005 at 10:45:00 AM PST


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