The stupidest thing ever invented

You know those kids' shoes that have red lights in the heel, and whenever little Snotley takes a step, they light up? Well now imagine that, instead of lights, there's a squeaky toy in the heel of each shoe. Yes, that's correct, every time your child takes a step, you hear what sounds like 5 epileptics stomping repeatedly on your dog's favorite squeaky toy. Now envision this, amplified by the highly-reverberant surfaces of the San Jose airport concourse, and you can start to appreciate the murderous rage that several hundred travelers felt towards a certain 3-year-old and his stupid-ass mother yesterday afternoon. Perfect strangers were instantly united against this auditory assault, rallying together in a rare show of solidarity against this cavalcade of pure, unadulterated squeaking evil.

I mean, REALLY. What fucking genius came up with this idea?!!!! Shoes that squeak INTENTIONALLY?!!! And what's next on his list? The Long-Range, Powder-Actuated Tampon Applicator (with optional laser scope)? Perhaps the Erratically-Vibrating Mascara Wand? Or maybe the Intermittent Diaphragm? Come on dude, don't deprive the American consumers one more second of The Water-Soluble Pantsuit !!!