See You In Hell!

Friday, November 02, 2007

My husband is a robot

I am treated daily to flowery emails from my husband, overflowing with saccharine sentiment and poetic expressions of his deep and profound love for me. Here is an example:

I will be walking away from my desk at 4:15 today; I then will proceed to the Smart Park located between Morrison and Yamhill. I will meet you on the northeast corner of said Smart Park. We will then proceed to the 5th floor where the car is parked for immediate evacuation of the parking ramp. Upon successful evacuation of the parking facility, we will proceed to get your organic drugs (or whatever they are) from your voodoo doctor (or whatever she is). Upon completion of transaction we shall proceed to the 5th Q for a cold one (or two) and then we shall perform our due diligence per our negotiated verbal contract between us and Elizabeth and Michael.

And, just the other morning before he left for work, this little verbal exchange:

Me: Love ya.

Him: "I love you.*pause* And shit". Then he gave my boob a quick tweak, and left for work.


Blogger Crystal said...


i am convinced my boyfriend is a robot - he is an engineer (eerily similar to a robot), which is probably just his lame cover up so he can fit into society until he scrapes his knee and then electrcutes himself to death in the shower.

Friday, November 2, 2007 at 3:14:00 PM PDT

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Robots are everywhere, Crystal. Remember that SNL spoof with Sam Waterston hawking "Robot Insurance"? They're here. And they're in our beds.

Friday, November 2, 2007 at 4:10:00 PM PDT

Blogger Kato said...

...processing article...
...running commenting algorithm...
...accessing pithiness matrix...

Sounds like he's running pretty well, for an older unit. Of course the new models are mostly wrapping with very little in terms innovation. Sure the older models can be kinda klunky, but they get the job done, right?

...end commenting, resume nominal activies...

Monday, November 5, 2007 at 7:56:00 AM PST

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

accessing pithiness index....I knew you'd understand, Kato.

Monday, November 5, 2007 at 8:18:00 AM PST

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Matrix! I meant matrix!!!!

Monday, November 5, 2007 at 8:18:00 AM PST


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