My husband is a robot

I am treated daily to flowery emails from my husband, overflowing with saccharine sentiment and poetic expressions of his deep and profound love for me. Here is an example:

I will be walking away from my desk at 4:15 today; I then will proceed to the Smart Park located between Morrison and Yamhill. I will meet you on the northeast corner of said Smart Park. We will then proceed to the 5^th floor where the car is parked for immediate evacuation of the parking ramp. Upon successful evacuation of the parking facility, we will proceed to get your organic drugs (or whatever they are) from your voodoo doctor (or whatever she is). Upon completion of transaction we shall proceed to the 5^th Q for a cold one (or two) and then we shall perform our due diligence per our negotiated verbal contract between us and Elizabeth and Michael.

And, just the other morning before he left for work, this little verbal exchange:

Me: Love ya.

Him: "I love you.*pause* And shit". Then he gave my boob a quick tweak, and left for work.