See You In Hell!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Deliverance State Park

Our camping trip this past weekend was awesome, with the possible exception of some of our neighbors at the campground.

Replete with bad perms, acid wash jeans, tank tops, and the "off" look of people that have suffered too much inbreeding, they arrived in 3 giant, monster truck-ish, early model SUVs, one of them purple with flames adorning the hood. Trailers in tow behind these "vehicles" held several 4-wheel ATV's, which they apparently used in lieu of walking. Instead of a nice evening stroll around the staggeringly picturesque campgrounds, they would putter leisurely by each and every campsite, winding slowly throughout the entire campground, kicking up steady clouds of dust, and staring at their fellow campers as if they were on safari.
And the dogs. Pitbulls, 3 of them, with heavy chains for collars, unleashed despite the clearly posted campground regulations, and all sporting prominent balls (Why is it always unneutered pitbulls with these people?!!)
The most annoying member of this motley crew was a mid-40s woman who still thought she was 21. Her bad bleach job and Britney Spears-ish attire did nothing to offset her leathery face and dubious hillbilly dental work. Additionally, it soon became apparent that this woman had never learned the distinction between "inside voice" and "outside voice". She shrieked like a harpie, cackling uncontrollably at the tiniest of things, and hooting inexplicably and orgasmically, sounding somewhat like Robert Plant in that one part of Led Zep's "whole lotta love". Even the decent, god-fearing retired couple on the other side of us were shaking their heads as if to say, "that bitch aint right".


Blogger Crabmommy said...

They sound peachy. I can imagine the snaggle-toothed Britney all-too perfectly, or should I say, "imperfectly." Ahhhh, camping: it's meant to take you outside the festering wart of humanity, and instead it makes you all share the same toilet.

Monday, July 28, 2008 at 3:04:00 PM PDT

Anonymous onlein said...

Reminds me of the time we camped on the way to Yellowstone the summer when Jeggie was 8, Amy 3 and Em was not yet. We just got unpacked and settled in for supper, when a family from New Jersey or New York pulled in right next to us. Tired and hungry, dad and mom and two young slacker teen sons went at each other. The boys weren't helpful and didn't want to take this stupid trip anyway -- especially with embarassing parents. Somehow they didn't use the combination wood-cutting/tent-pole-driving hatchets on each other. Mainly very intense, colorful language of the shit-for-brains, you-want-a-piece-of-me, fuck-you-fuck-this-trip, what-did-you-say, you-heard-me variety. In less than an hour, though, they had quieted down, folded out their camper, set their table, and had a nice family supper. Of course they were from the civilized east.

Monday, July 28, 2008 at 6:09:00 PM PDT

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Dad, I can't believe I don't remember that part of the yellowstone experience!!! I have such a good memory for profanity, you think that would have stuck....

Tuesday, July 29, 2008 at 7:18:00 AM PDT

Blogger kari said...

that's where you learned it all, jege!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008 at 5:33:00 PM PDT

Blogger amycita said...

I think those
people might live in my neighborhood. Every so often there will be
distinct white trash noise in the middle of the fucking day when i am
trying to enjoy my peaceful fucking summer. It it hard for me to
acccurately describe the sound of white trash, but you captured it
beautifully, at least in the female of the species it is a distinctly
"outside voice" cackling or harpie-like shriek; but how to define the
male of the species? Yesterday at regular intervals I kept hearing a random "hey" as
though the male in question was hollering at passing cars; and really
trying to get their attention like he was sure he knew the guy in each
car and that guy owed him Busch Lite money. Both genders do not get out
of their vehicles but announce their presence at the houses of our
neighbors with honks of increasing frequency and duration past all
sense of reasonableness--as in a normal person would be SURE that the
friend inside was A.) not at home or B.) had been killed and was lying
inside dead because NO ONE could ignore that fucking honking for so long
and in fact if I had not been groggy from trying (key word being TRYING)
to nap I would have pulled a Gail and stormed out on to the porch to
give those inconsiderate wretches "what for."

Wednesday, July 30, 2008 at 7:13:00 PM PDT

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

"..and that guy owed him Bush Lite money". Awesome. :)

Saturday, August 2, 2008 at 11:35:00 AM PDT


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