Lein Girlz 3

Lein Girlz 3

Open season on misery and self-indulgent (sp? jesus fuck ! I can't even spell anymore...) complaints. WTF: I got itchy. All over. So bad it woke me up at night about a week ago. Since then, violent spurts of itchiness for no apparent reason. I have scratched so much I am bruised. (I think I must also be anemic or have leukemia b/c bruising from scratching seems unnatural, AND a friend I worked with in Newton up and died fr0m previously undiagnosed leukemia like a week after she went to the doctor complaining of unexplained bruises and bleeding gums. She was like, 25 years old!) I went to a dermatologist and got a mildly helpful hydrocortisone shot, have been taking benadryl a lot and got some slightly helpful cream. It doesn't really stop the itching, but now when I itch, I put on cream instead of just scratching. OK so sometimes I "scratch" on the cream but it feels sooo goooood! The only thing I can think of is that the new miracle drug that makes my life worth living (Ritalin) is somehow backfiring and causing me to itch like a crack addict. I guess I can be a crack addict as long as I am not sleeping continually and feeling lethargic and uninterested in life. I'm in a weird place right now. I stopped taking the Ritalin for a few days (boy did THAT suck: I slept tons and/or felt really sad and crappy) and now I decided that since the itching has calmed down slightly, I wanted to try to feel like a human again, so I took half the dose yesterday. And felt about half human. Today I took the full dose and feel better, but am also now freaking out because I have felt so crappy and this is the only thing that makes me feel OK and I don't like that because it makes me feel panicky b/c what if the itching comes back full force and I have to stop taking the Ritalin. Yada yada yada. I am sick of myself. Also, unstructured time is not my friend. And it is blisteringly cold so outdoor exercise makes me feel like those idiots who climb mount everest. But I did see 5 deer the other day. That was nice. Also, the new Sue Grafton S is for Sucks to be Sick (or Silence) was good.