See You In Hell!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Loose, bunchy, and retarded?

This morning I went swimming at the gym. I know, I know, how incredibly lame of me. But anyway, after swimming I was standing at one of the sinks, applying subtle amounts of makeup (I subscribe to the “apply makeup in such a manner as to appear that you are not wearing any makeup at all, but are instead Naturally Radiant” philosophy of makeupping ). There were 2 women, no make that GIRLS, at the sinks next to me, maybe around 24 or 25 years old, chatting while they demonstrated what can only be described as the “I’m a wee little hooker” makeup strategy.
They are both around a size 4…combined.

Bitch #1: Man, you are getting so skinny!

Bitch #2: I know! None of my clothes fit anymore! Look….they’re so loose and bunchy on me, I look so retarded!

At this point I steal a look at these Loose Bunchy Retarded Clothes; they are in fact, not loose, bunchy, or even retarded. They just look like standard, everyday, Nice-Fitting Clothes.

Bitch #1: You should go Banana Republic and get something more “fitted”.

Again, I look at the clothes; anything more “fitted” than that would actually fall into the classification of “tight”, but what the hell do I know. Serves me right for going to the gym at 6 in the morning.


Blogger eM said...

Ahh, where are you when i'm in the bathroom? Or when i used to go to the gym????

Gawed, I sometimes get an odd feeling that i may be kinda normal and cute because the person i see most is a guy who, when walking down the street and we encounter either bitch #1 or bitch #2 will say such wonderful things as: "what the hell is she wearing? could she have on more make-up and why is she orange? that's soo gross."

the freakiest thing is when i hit the bathroom at work and there is this one lady who is in there for like EVER putting on makeup. WTF? i see her in the hallway sometimes on her way there and she already has a ton of makeup on! i don't get it. Granted the last time i used makeup i found it in a purse i hadn't used for 3 weeks, but a smokebreak or candy bar break? okay...but a daily make-up re-application? no. that is NOT okay..especially when it's like 10 am and i've got to use the bathroom for more important things...

Wednesday, May 4, 2005 at 12:55:00 PM PDT

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Nothing hurries up those chronic makeup-reappliers like machine-gun farts from the next toilet stall over.... give it a try next time!

Wednesday, May 4, 2005 at 1:12:00 PM PDT

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Or maybe just offer them some "Twin Hot Sticks".....

Wednesday, May 4, 2005 at 1:27:00 PM PDT

Blogger kari said...

loose, bunchy, AND retarded? how did that poor girl get through her day???

Wednesday, May 4, 2005 at 2:54:00 PM PDT

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

She probably felt so bad that she wolfed down an entire 3 calories at lunch! Now she won't have to get any new clothes because the formerly Loose Bunchy Retarded ones fit again! (imagine I'm saying this in a valley-girl voice. FER SURE!)

Wednesday, May 4, 2005 at 4:39:00 PM PDT

Blogger eM said...

Yeah, if only! i am almost wondering if she's a make-up freak OR if she likes to hang out in the somewhat private bathroom BECAUSE she knows that people might have machine gun farts and be extremely freaky.


Wednesday, May 4, 2005 at 4:43:00 PM PDT

Blogger amycita said...

Not that they were better times or anything b/c clearly is not good for self esteem to deftly deflect all compliments, but regardless, remember when NO ONE would ever respond to the statement "you are getting so skinny" with the brazen answer "I know"?!?! Etiquette demanded that you say, "No I'm like totally not" or something like that.

Thursday, May 5, 2005 at 6:42:00 PM PDT


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