See You In Hell!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Of Second Heads and Smacking..

Okay, I find this a little disturbing, yet strangely fascinating:

“Doctors said the second head was capable of smiling and blinking - but not of independent life” (which, incidentally, are also traits shared by our president and most of his cabinet).

Let’s look at that again.: A SECOND HEAD capable of blinking and smiling.

What The Fuck.

What if the main head is angry or upset? Does the second head just sit there, blinking and smiling? Which one do you trust? How do we know the blinking & smiling head isn’t the dominant head? The “good head” as it were? What if the so-called main head is actually the evil one? What made the doctors so quick to dismiss Blinky? Did they ASK the blinking and smiling head if it wanted to be severed?

“Okay. Blink ONCE if you want us to cut you off, TWICE if you don’t.”

Long pause, as the doctors stare intently at the second head.

“Phil, did that look like one blink to you?”

And now for something completely different:



Blogger amycita said...

The "smacking" article states "any parent smacking a child and causing harm, such as bruising, scratching or reddening of the skin, could be prosecuted." Now you KNOW what we would do if we were English kids. If we did something bad and mummy got mad at us, we'd be all pinching our cheeks to cause said "reddening of the skin" and then running around telling everybody that we were smacked. Are you tellin' me that British kids wouldn't try that shit? come on now...

Tuesday, February 22, 2005 at 9:57:00 AM PST

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Isnt this "reddening of the skin" thing racist? The darker the skin, the harder it is to discern reddening....

Tuesday, February 22, 2005 at 10:35:00 AM PST

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

And isnt the word "smacking" just inherently funny? The article wouldnt be half as entertaining if it was about "beating the shit out of your kids".

Tuesday, February 22, 2005 at 10:38:00 AM PST

Blogger eM said...

I have not yet read the article, but from the sign, i thought they meant people who chew with their mouths open and my only thot was "well hell yeah! i need that one!" (total pet peeve o' mine...)

And the kid looked all sad like he himself was smacker and his mom made him carry the sign as a reminder..kind of like if you had a sign like that with something like 'saying eye-talian instead of italian' or 'mouth breathers'

Tuesday, February 22, 2005 at 12:30:00 PM PST

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

oooo...I like that interpretation as well. In addition to the vile sins you mentioned previously (the mouth-breathing and Eye-talian thing), I want to see people carrying signs that say things like:

"sidewalk spitter-onner"

"never covers coughs"

"Won't say 'thank you' when you hold the door open for them" (I HATE those fucking ingrates)

"right-wing zealot"

"purchases Christina Aguilera records"

"says 'oh, you've never BEEN?' when discussing an exotic location where they have visited but you havent"

Wednesday, February 23, 2005 at 3:57:00 PM PST

Blogger eM said...

And perhaps...

"says: I just have a really high metabolism."

"cooing that our president is so handsome...and has such good morals."

Thursday, February 24, 2005 at 11:06:00 AM PST

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

ANYONE who says "I just have a really high metabolism" or bemoans their inability to gain weight "no matter what they eat" should be beaten severely.

Thursday, February 24, 2005 at 11:46:00 AM PST

Blogger dawn said...

It's the term "smacking." It's just so damn British. How can you be punished for something that sounds so pansy-assed???? Hitting. Sue em. Battery. Throw their ass in jail. Assault? Call in Social Services. Smacking? Bah.....

Thursday, February 24, 2005 at 9:34:00 PM PST

Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Also, the fact that they make legal distinctions between Mild and Moderate Smacking just cracks me up. Try saying that to your kid next time he misbehaves in Walmart:

"I say, DO knock that off or I shall deliver to you a non-psychologically and/or physically-scarring moderate smack"

Friday, February 25, 2005 at 8:27:00 AM PST


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