See You In Hell!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Of weighty medleys and ruinous passions....

Just got this spam email. Someone with an interesting take on the English language and a thesaurus spent a LOT of time on this one:

Anatrim – The latest and most exciting product for weighty people (weighty...such a popular American word) is made available now – As could be seen on Oprah. (COULD be seen? When will we know for sure?) Can you retain all the times when you told yourself you would do anything for being delivered from this quickly growing number of kilos? (DO I!!! It's like you're reading my mind!!) Happily, now no major sacrifice is demanded. (well thank god! I'll send the virgins back) With Anatrim, the earth-shaking kilos-melting medley, (You don't see many good earth-shaking medleys around anymore. Why is that?) you can get healthier mode of life and become really thinner. Just look at what people state!

"I hate to confess but I was an awful food addict. I ate all this garbage and was unable to stop. This ruinous passion (yes, Ruinous passion) stopped when I started course with Anatrim! Oh, God, my appetite disappeared, mood improved and I’m the happiest person 26 pounds in 2.4 months. So, I can tell you now I turned to the happiest person!" (I get it, I get it, she's the happiest person) -Victoria K., Bellevue WA

"Since the very childhood I was a weighty boy. (See? "Weighty" is the new black. Mark my words.) It’s pretty hard to imagine how I abhorred being ridiculed at school (Now I'm no expert, but one would think that it would be fairly EASY to imagine that a person would abhor being ridiculed..unless you're into that sort of thing.) I detested my stoutness (such a common complaint amongst American men today...detesting one's stoutness. It's even Maxim's cover story. Check it out.) and I hated myself. After trying many different remedies I learned about Anatrim. It literally dragged me out of this fearful nightmare! (yep. Fearful nightmare. DRRRAAAGGGEED him right out. True story.) Many thanks and a great respect to you, guys." -Steve Doubt (with a name like Steve Doubt, no wonder he detests his stoutness), Colorado

"Do you know what? Thanks to Anatrim my marriage was saved! I fell down into this circle, (I hate it when people just leave their circles lying around. Someone can fall into them, you know!!!) depression – more eating – more depression. My wife was going to leave the overweight psycho I was turning in. (turning in? to whom? The police? Richard Simmons? WHO?! Is there a reward?) Once my friend pointed to your web page and I ordered pack of Anatrim immediately. The results were splendid, my appetite came to acceptable level, I was in a good mood oftener (Oftener!!!) and, certainly, I went some belt holes back. (Well, DUH.) And you see, the sex became fantastic, too! (you see?!! DO you????)" -Steve (HEY......is this Steve Doubt again? You already had your turn, buddy).

There is a great number of gratitudes (who's writing this? The Russian version of HAL 2000?) left by delighted people taking Anatrim. Don’t you gonna join the tens of thousands of slender customers and take this original appetite suppressing energy raising product now? (well, don't you gonna?!) Don’t lose the opportunity!

5 Comments:

Blogger Kato said...

That's some weighty spam.

Thursday, April 19, 2007 at 12:55:00 PM PDT

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Fuck yeah it is.

Thursday, April 19, 2007 at 1:01:00 PM PDT

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

UPDATE:
I just got another one of these spams...and this one is (dare I say) even better than the first:


Anatrim – The up-to-the-moment and most exciting product for corpulent people is now readily available – As were seen on Oprah.

Do you hold in your memory all the times when you told yourself you would do anything for being saved from this desperately growing number of kilos? Happily, now no big price is to be paid. Thanks to Anatrim, the earth-shaking kilos-melting combination of elements, you can get healthier mode of life and become really slimmer. Take a look at what people state!

"I hate to confess but I was awfully addicted to food. I swallowed up all this trash and could not stop. This suffering ceased when I started taking Anatrim! God, my inclination to eat constantly abated, mood improved and I’m the happiest person in the world 22 pounds in 2.7 months. So, I can tell you now I turned to the happiest person!" Maria H., San Diego

"I had problems with over-weight since a boy. You can't even fancy how I abhorred being mocked at school. I hated the weight and I detested myself. After trying this and that I learned about Anatrim. This stuff literally dragged me out of this horror! The greatest respect to you, my friends." Charley Mock, Chicago

"Know what? Anatrim kept my marriage intact! I went into this circle, depression – eating more – just more depression. My wife was going to leave the overweight psycho I was turning in. Once my friend showed me web site and I ordered up pack of Anatrim immediately. The final result was splendid, my appetite came to normal level, I was in good spirits oftener, and, of course, I became able to tighten my belt on some holes. And the sex became fantastic, too!" Karl

There is a great number of gratitudes left by delighted people taking Anatrim. Don’t you wanna join the tens of thousands of slim buyers and take this original appetite-abating power increasing product now! Don’t decline your opportunity!

Thursday, April 19, 2007 at 2:13:00 PM PDT

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

And another! Holy fucking crap, this Anatrim is everywhere:


Anatrim – The up-to-the-moment and most exciting product for weighty people is now easily available – As seen on CNN

Do you know that excessive body kilograms kill more and more people around the whole world? We know that you hate the unattractive look of people like those and the low status they have in society.

Moreover, you can’t withstand a siege of baneful eating habits of yours. If you see it sounds familiar, then we got something for your consideration! We are proudly introduce you Anatrim, the new product for the elimination of your body’s extra weight.

The astonishing thing about Anatrim is it improves the quality of your life by soothing your feeling of hunger and giving you better cheer. Read what people say on this product:

"This is a great thing! Instead of watching TV constantly and gorging everything close at hand I became more interested in doing exercise. Anatrim made me take a step up. I am more fit now and there are lots of men following me with their eyes!" Lusia R., Colorado

"I tried some passive weight burning, you know, but with no result. It was rather difficult for me to hold back and not to eat something just at hand. Once I was told about Anatrim the media by and it brought a great influence on me. I had tried using it, and my wife said I’m not more a weighty man now, 3 months later. 31 pounds off and I keep still losing them! And you know, it’s rather hot in our bedroom now." Dave Klark, San Diego

Anatrim helps you to realize that you doesn’t have such a great need for the constant eating. It raises your mood up, supplies you with additional energy, and attacks unnecessary kilos. Especial thanks to its powerful distinguished formula!! Find out latest news about this great product now!

Thursday, April 19, 2007 at 2:16:00 PM PDT

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

I've got like 3 more of these, all slightly different, all hilarious. But I'm going to stop posting them. If you wanna see 'em, let me know.

Thursday, April 19, 2007 at 2:24:00 PM PDT

 

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