Of weighty medleys and ruinous passions....

Just got this spam email. Someone with an interesting take on the English language and a thesaurus spent a LOT of time on this one:

Anatrim – The latest and most exciting product for weighty people (weighty...such a popular American word) is made available now – As could be seen on Oprah. (COULD be seen? When will we know for sure?) Can you retain all the times when you told yourself you would do anything for being delivered from this quickly growing number of kilos? (DO I!!! It's like you're reading my mind!!) Happily, now no major sacrifice is demanded. (well thank god! I'll send the virgins back) With Anatrim, the earth-shaking kilos-melting medley, (You don't see many good earth-shaking medleys around anymore. Why is that?) you can get healthier mode of life and become really thinner. Just look at what people state!

"I hate to confess but I was an awful food addict. I ate all this garbage and was unable to stop. This ruinous passion (yes, Ruinous passion) stopped when I started course with Anatrim! Oh, God, my appetite disappeared, mood improved and I’m the happiest person 26 pounds in 2.4 months. So, I can tell you now I turned to the happiest person!" (I get it, I get it, she's the happiest person) -Victoria K., Bellevue WA

"Since the very childhood I was a weighty boy. (See? "Weighty" is the new black. Mark my words.) It’s pretty hard to imagine how I abhorred being ridiculed at school (Now I'm no expert, but one would think that it would be fairly EASY to imagine that a person would abhor being ridiculed..unless you're into that sort of thing.) I detested my stoutness (such a common complaint amongst American men today...detesting one's stoutness. It's even Maxim's cover story. Check it out.) and I hated myself. After trying many different remedies I learned about Anatrim. It literally dragged me out of this fearful nightmare! (yep. Fearful nightmare. DRRRAAAGGGEED him right out. True story.) Many thanks and a great respect to you, guys." -Steve Doubt (with a name like Steve Doubt, no wonder he detests his stoutness), Colorado

"Do you know what? Thanks to Anatrim my marriage was saved! I fell down into this circle, (I hate it when people just leave their circles lying around. Someone can fall into them, you know!!!) depression – more eating – more depression. My wife was going to leave the overweight psycho I was turning in. (turning in? to whom? The police? Richard Simmons? WHO?! Is there a reward?) Once my friend pointed to your web page and I ordered pack of Anatrim immediately. The results were splendid, my appetite came to acceptable level, I was in a good mood oftener (Oftener!!!) and, certainly, I went some belt holes back. (Well, DUH.) And you see, the sex became fantastic, too! (you see?!! DO you????)" -Steve (HEY......is this Steve Doubt again? You already had your turn, buddy).

There is a great number of gratitudes (who's writing this? The Russian version of HAL 2000?) left by delighted people taking Anatrim. Don’t you gonna join the tens of thousands of slender customers and take this original appetite suppressing energy raising product now? (well, don't you gonna?!) Don’t lose the opportunity!