See You In Hell!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Portland, don't be such a pussy.

News Flash! Portland paralyzed by "Killer Blizzard"!! *snickering*
Fellow midwesterners, you may commence with hails of derisive laughter.....now.

























UPDATE:
Apparently, not only can Portlanders not DRIVE in snow, they also suck at sledding in it:

"Officials said there were 35 sledding related injuries at local hospitals as of Tuesday night.
Officials reminded sledders to wear a helmet and make sure to sled on off-road areas and keep an eye out for ATVs or other vehicles."

Oooh! OOH!! And here's more; "Snowball Fight End in Stabbing":

"Witnesses told officers that the victim and a group of friends were throwing snowballs at each other when one of the snowballs struck a moving vehicle driven by the suspect.The suspect got out of his vehicle and started a fight with the group, which escalated to a stabbing."

UPDATED 1/17/07:

Here is a great video of some stellar Portland winter driving, shot by a fellow portlander from his condo balcony yesterday:


27 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seriously. That much snow built up on my car sitting at a red light this morning. I didn't even hit the wipers.

Incidentally, is that picture a good candidate for "tilt-shift"?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 at 10:06:00 AM PST

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Nah, it's from my cameraphone, so its resolution is like, 5.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 at 11:26:00 AM PST

 
Blogger The_Bad said...

Being a former Chicagoan, if there isn't 6 feet of snow on the ground, you better be at work on time.

Portland: wipe your noses!

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 at 1:15:00 PM PST

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

No shit. Back in North Dakota, they never EVER canceled school the entire time I lived there. People just snowmobiled to school, or stayed home & took a sick day. 50 below zero? Put on another sweater & quit your bitching. Five feet of snow? Get off your asses & start shoveling, class starts at 8.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 at 1:44:00 PM PST

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've gotta get me one of them 5-pixel cameraphones. Did you get it at the Circle K?

I live in Notheastern Ohio, so we see a fair amount of snow (though I doubt we could beat Chicago or the Dakotas). But what's funny is that since most of the snow hits the top of Ohio (on account of the Great Lakes, winds, Canada, and God's Almighty Vengeance) the mid and southern parts of the state don't usually see much. So if I single flake falls near, say Dayton, the city shuts down and panic insues. More so in Cincinnati which doesn't even have plows.

I both envy and pity them.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 at 1:53:00 PM PST

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what's all that white stuff?

looks kinda like the beach sand i have stuck in my suntan lotion.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 at 2:37:00 PM PST

 
Blogger dawn said...

Oh man, I saw some guy out with his LEAF BLOWER clearing the snow off his sidewalk. If you aren't risking a heart attack or hernia, it isn't a good snowfall...

Tuesday, January 16, 2007 at 4:38:00 PM PST

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WTF Portland? Sled much?

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 at 7:27:00 AM PST

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

I know!!! Do YOU ever remember a need to wear a helmet while sledding? Even whilst drunk? Also, how many times did you sled into oncoming traffic and/or parked cars? This is right up there with posting the "careful, contents are hot" warning on coffee.
DUHHHHH......

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 at 10:56:00 AM PST

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

On the other hand, I TOTALLY understand the "snowball fight ends in stabbing" thing. You hit my 1994 Tercel with a snowball, and you fucking die, punkass.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 at 11:06:00 AM PST

 
Blogger The_Bad said...

Now I remember why I moved to Arizona!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 at 11:57:00 AM PST

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy crap, that video is awesome. I'll admit, I suck at winter driving, but come on... don't they know how to pump their brakes or turn into a skid?

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 at 6:18:00 PM PST

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey JEGE - can't wait to see this first hand... then again... (how's the weather supposed to be next week??)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007 at 10:59:00 PM PST

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

"pump your brakes & turn into a skid" is a foreign phrase around here. The only advice I have ever heard proffered by the local news stations about winter driving is to "put on chains, slow down, and if you don't have to go out today, don't". Seriously. It's totally fucked up.

Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 5:57:00 AM PST

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Floyd wanted to see the firetruck slide down the road like the rest of the dumbfucks.

Disappointing.

Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 7:50:00 AM PST

 
Blogger eM said...

I agree completely with Floyd. That would have been sweet.

And maybe if it would have burst into flames and all the hoses would have burned so there was no way to spray water on the truck....And perhaps some of those bad drivers would have driven into the fire and then continued to light other cars on fire as they tried to drive down the street and then lit every other car on fire...that would've been cool...

Seriously. When do you just NOT drive if that is how badly you do it?

Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 9:10:00 AM PST

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

That video clip doesnt show it, but after the firetruck pulled in there, at least 6 more cars came flying down the hill, spinning 360s all the way, and crashed into it. And the kicker? They were all 4 wheel drive cars & trucks. They showed some still images of it on the news. IDIOTS.

Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 10:13:00 AM PST

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Floyd and Em. The fact that you know that the Firetruck was hit but have no video evidence to post makes me sad.

Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 11:26:00 AM PST

 
Blogger eM said...

So wait...If we get the Toyota Highlander Hybrid (hope hope hope), then I can't drive on glare ice? But it's FOUR-WHEEL DRIVE!!!!

That means I'm invincible and have super powers, right?????

Damn. I really want to see people slamming into the fire truck. You know, if they could also take out a meter maid & smash a cop car, there'd be extra style points.

Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 12:48:00 PM PST

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

The snow is rapidly melting, but the public schools are still closed because (and I quote) "there's still some snow on side streets and sidewalks, and they don't want to have kids trying to walk to school in such treacherous conditions".
Um, hey, Portland, there are some places in this very country where snow STAYS ON THE STREETS AND SIDEWALKS FOR UP TO 6 MONTHS!!! Can you IMAGINE?!! The horrors!!!!

Thursday, January 18, 2007 at 1:49:00 PM PST

 
Blogger Karla said...

SERIOUSLY PORTLAND!!!
SISA's!!! STUPID IDIOT SHIT ASS!
I love the fact that school was cancelled a week ago because it looked like there was snow covering the grass! What is that?

Friday, January 19, 2007 at 3:40:00 PM PST

 
Blogger The_Bad said...

I remember (muffled sound) years ago when I was in Driver's Education in Chicago. The instructor addressed this very situation.

4-wheel drive is just as useless as 2-wheel drive on ice. It's ice! 18-wheel drive will do you just as good as 1-wheel drive. Ice is ice."

Ahem, City of Portland: wake up and smell yourselves!

Friday, January 19, 2007 at 6:31:00 PM PST

 
Blogger kari said...

i remember ONE YEAR where school was cancelled, and that was in the April Blizzard of 1984. And that was after we got four feet of snow dumped on us. And even then, we only had one day off.

(however, i'd be willing to live in a pussy city if it meant being able to stay home from work.)

Friday, January 19, 2007 at 10:33:00 PM PST

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Oh yeah...I remember that day, Kari. That WAS awesome. We had snowdrifts up to the roof on the south side of the house. Amy & I tunneled through them until we were right against the sliding door, looking in at dad watching TV. Obviously, he went apeshit. We are damn lucky that we didnt go crashing through the glass.

Ah, good times in ole NoDak.

Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 10:19:00 AM PST

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

PS- Obviously I was incorrect in my "they never canceled school in North Dakota because of snow" thing. Damn memory is the first thing to go in old age...after the 6-pack abs and perky boobies, that is.

This storm was freakin crazy...4 feet of snow in April....and with all of the drifting, all of the cars parked on the street near our house were completely covered. When the snowplows showed up, they couldnt see the cars, obviously, and scraped and smashed a bunch of them.
This was also the storm where some jackass abandoned his truck diagonally across our driveway & yard, and left it there even after the plows had cleared a path. My dad had to shovel a path through the front yard and around the truck to get out (he had to take us to school the next day, DUH). My mom got so pissed that she wrote "Nice one, Jackass" or something similar on his windshield in lipstick.

Saturday, January 20, 2007 at 10:27:00 AM PST

 
Blogger kari said...

"jackass" on the windshield in lipstick? GARLA RULES.

Sunday, January 21, 2007 at 6:51:00 PM PST

 
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

It may have been "dumb shit"...but yeah, she still rules. :)

Monday, January 22, 2007 at 5:37:00 AM PST

 

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