This is wrong on so many levels.....that being said, WHY do I find it so funny?!

Because I am a bad person, that's why.
But I still think it's funny.

Today's mood: Petulant, with a 50% chance of unprovoked bitchiness...

Finally, a meal for us crackers !!!

"Getting to know your friends" emails...

Ever gotten one of these? A list with 20 questions that you are supposed to fill out, and send to 10 friends or else your arms will fall off, and you will die in a freak gardening accident next Tuesday? You haven't? Well screw you.
For those of us who HAVE, here's an alternate list to fire back to the sender, compiled earlier this year by the Leingirlz 3 and honorary Leingirl Karicita (note: sorry Lisa, I couldn't find the whole list with your additions....just this one) :

What you are supposed to do is copy (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you'll send. Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to a bunch of friends, including the person that sent it to you.
1. Tampons or pads?
2. Whom would you most like to kill?
3. Would you shoot, stab, or strangle him/her? Discuss.
4. Favorite element?
5. Top or bottom?
6. Favorite fascist dictator?
7. Wipe front-to-back or back-to-front?
8. Burial or cremation?
9. Paper or plastic?
10. Divorce or murder?
11. Mini-blinds or granny drapes?
12. Do I look fat in this?
13. Who's better, the Beatles or the Stones?
14. Don't you hate it when people say "EYE-talian" instead of "IH-talian"?
15. What kind of siding do you have on your house? Who gives a shit?
16. Favorite PMS remedy?
17. Have you ever shot a man just to watch him die? Explain.
18. What is your most shameful Home Shopping Network purchase? Is it a figurine of some sort? It is? EEEEEWWWWWWW....
19. Stucco or EIFS?
20. extra mayo or hold the mayo?
21. What's cooler, the quadratic equation or Avogadro's number?
22. Tesla: heavy metal band or inventor/scientist?
23. Who sent this to you, and are they so fucking dead the next time you see them?
24. The Clash: Should they stay or should they go?
25. The one dentist out of ten who hated trident... man or myth?
26. Nick and Jessica or Sonny and Cher?
27. Is "Forte" (as in, piano is not my forte) pronounced "Fortay" or "Fort?" And do you really give two shits? Really? Oh. Okay then.
28. Can you sing all the words to that song by Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam--you know the one where they mispronounce "Que Sera Sera?"
29. Which "Heather" are you? "Tweety", "Megabitch" or "Corn Nuts"? Explain.
30. Most of your time on the computer is spent: a.) doing work, 2.) looking at porn or c.) trying out out-witty your friends and family with mockeries of email chain letters
31. Do you have a trophy husband who looks like Cary Elwes? You don't? Well Jege does. Ha ha ha.
32. Were you born a poor, black child? I was.
33. Have YOU found YOUR "special purpose?" Cite examples.
34. Cheney, Rumsfeld, Bush: Axis of Evil or Trio of Idiots?
35. Which best describes you? a.) Trump's "You're Fired" b.) Flo's "Kiss My Grits" c.) This plate of mashed yeast.

Hie thee here, all ye visitors to Leingirlz3...

http://www.frappr.com/leingirlz3

And add yourself to the map.

Pretty please, fuckers.

Songs that make you go...

Due to the joy of a cube farm, I'm back to headphones and itunes to keep me sane. No fancy-pants office like Jege! But there is a certain joy in listening to good music and zoning out doing your work. Also amusing in the random memories that certain songs inspire (much like how Runts candy always remind me of my gothed-out bedroom in high school when i had a weird obsession with the little tart fruit sweets).

"She's happy" by the Gear Daddies completely takes me back to delivering pizzas the summer b4 i left ND for college, and, pretty much forever save a few trips to visit the rents and a few friends.

anybody else have weird song triggers?

another odd one is the heinous 'total eclipse of the heart' remix (1995) and it's inextricable link to my senior year banquet...and peach schanapps...such an evil trio.

Step into my office

I currently have my own office. Yes, I am no longer in the cube farm, but in an honest-to-goodness office....with a door. The firm is so busy, that there is a shortage of workstations....except for one of the offices usually occupied by the principals. So here I am.

This is good for many reasons:

• I can completely control the temperature of my immediate working environment. When I am cold, I need super ultra fucking fast heat right fucking now!!! That is, until the moment that I suddenly realize that I am too hot. Then COLD!!! NOWWWW!!!!!!!! Crank up the AC because immediate gratification takes too long! Anyone who has ever ridden in a car with me knows this to be true.
  
• I can finally open email attachments sent to me by my friend Curtis, without anyone wondering why I am looking at screenshots of gay porn.
  
• I can watch bum fights from my window. At least twice a day there is a loud altercation in the park across the street, and now I can see and hear it all, baby!
  
• I can use the phone without everyone around me knowing that I am scheduling my yearly pap smear, or ordering refills for birth control pills.

Jege cannot play well with others, or follow instructions...

So, as part of a firm-wide Strategic Planning exercise, we had to take some photos of where we thought we would be in 10 years. Being ever the smartass, here's my picture. Hopefully they will get the joke....but I'll keep my sign just in case.

Meme-tastic

Over on Michele from Michigan's blog http://mikki630.blogspot.com/ , I discovered this most excellent little game: I entered "Jen needs" into Google, and here's what I found:

• Jen needs some help
• Jen needs a break
• Jen needs to have a session or two with a therapist
• Jen needs to get back to reality
• Jen needs a place to stay for the night
• Jen needs a new heating system
• Jen needs to get a grip
• Jen needs to flee
• Jen needs to be punished
• Jen needs a nice fur-covered dress
• Jen needs to be reminded that HARRISON FORD appears on her 'Fake Boyfriend'list

Wow! I'm a total fucking wreck!

Happy Birthday Amy!!!

A big shout-out to Amy-cita! Hope you're having a wonderful b-day!

Death and burning: a weekend getaway to the Oregon coast...

My friend's boss has a cool-ass vacation house on the Oregon coast, up high on cascade head overlooking the ocean. It was built in the early 70's, and is a "pole house" (sort of like a really fancy tree house), with seven levels all snaking around a central stair, looking out over the living area. It's EXTREMELY difficult to photograph the interior, but here are a couple of pix to get the general idea across.



Anyway, my friend Carol invited me, my husband, and our friend Robert out to the house for the weekend. Since Robert had never been there before, my husband drove separately with him after he got off work, and Carol and I headed out early to get started on our beer-drinking.

When we arrived, everything appeared to be in order, but when we went to put the beer into the fridge, we realized that whoever had been there last had mistakenly cut the power (a big no-no). Everything in the freezer was ruined. Carol found the electrical panel and flipped the power on, and simultaneously the furnace kicked in. There was a brief moment where all we smelled was the acrid stench of burning hair, followed by the worst fucking smell I have ever experienced. It was definitely something LONG dead, and it was somewhere in the bowels of the house's heating system. We began retching uncontrollably, so bad was this smell. "TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!!!" I screamed between gagging fits, as Carol frantically clawed at the thermostat. "OPEN THE WINDOWS! OPEN THE WINDOWS" she screamed back. With one hand cinching my nose tightly shut, I raced from level to level, throwing open windows, and opening every single door. We met on the lower deck to catch our breath, and plan our next move. Meanwhile, every single fly within a 5-mile-radius caught whiff of our situation, and zoomed into the house through the open doors. The place was now a stinking, buzzing nightmare. Time for some beer.

After the beer, I fashioned myself some noseplugs by smearing carmex on some foam earplugs and ramming them up my nose. Then we covered up every single heating vent in the house (and fuckin'-A, were there a shitload of them), and sprayed the fuck out of the place with Glade Outdoor Fresh. I called my husband, and told him to pick up as many of those little green Christmas tree thingies that you hang in your car, and the strongest scented candles he could find. There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line, and then he mumbled something like "…..maybe I'll just stay home this weekend", after which I threatened him with divorce.

Somehow, we managed to make it livable, although we had to rely on the fireplace for heat. And a LOT of beer. I still don't know what happened to all of the flies; they just seemed to disappear. Hmmmm…..

Leingirlz & husbands in south park

Devin & Jege


Amycita & Rob


Dylan & Em

Antisocial Tuesday

Thomas' blog has gotten a little too serious lately, what with the massive Liberal vs. Conservative Smackdown resulting from his William Bennett post a couple of days ago. So here's a palate cleanser:

Anxious

I am nervous. And anxious. And a bit numb.
All because of this big adult thing I have just embarked upon. No, I'm not talking about a German scheisse film. I am speaking of...(drum roll) BUYING A HOUSE. We made an offer. The offer was accepted (I wasn't really expecting that part). Tomorrow we have the home inspection, and the day after that, the sewer scope (ok, that IS part of a German scheisse film), and THEN, assuming they don't find Jimmy Hoffa in our crawl space, a ridiculously overpriced 1923 bungalow with hardwood floors and built-ins is ours, all ours!

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, am I weirded out by this!!